If Gertrude Joseph could go back in time and become a child
again, the only thing she would wish for is that her guardian would
spend more time with her.
“I know she loved me and she did her best to
provide for me materially, but because we did not have much one-on-one
time together, we did not form a close bond. I would have wanted for us
to just sit down and bond and talk,” she says.
As a result Gertrude goes out of her way to give her children the love she would have wanted to get as a child.
“To make my children feel loved, I make sure I am
there for them and that I listen to what they have to say. I give them
attention, put their needs first, as well as spoil them with sweet
treats once in a while.”
Quality time
Elizabeth Wambui, a 28 year-old mother of one also
believes that giving a child quality time is one of the best ways to
express your love.
“You may want to show them love by buying them
expensive gifts and taking them on vacations, but what will leave an
indelible mark on them is the time you spend seated on the carpet doing
whatever they want with them,” says the mother of a six year-old
daughter.
Agnes Rogo, a speaker on child development issues
agrees that taking the time to form a close bond with a child is one of
the most important things in creating a loving environment for children.
“What helps a child do well in life is having a
healthy and secure bond with his primary caregiver. Without a loving
environment, you may send your child to the best schools and provide for
him materially, but he ends up rebelling and you wonder what went
wrong.
“On the other hand, children who form a healthy bond feel safe to explore the environment and develop trust,” Rogo says.
According to Rogo, one way to form that secure
bond and make your child feel loved is by being responsive to his needs.
For instance, if your child wants his hand held and you do that, it
registers in his mind that you love him.
Freedom with limits
“However, responding doesn’t mean giving them everything they
want without limits. It means hearing them out and responding
appropriately.
For instance if your child wants something but you
can’t buy it at that time, get down to his level and explain why. When a
child sees that you understand him, he will not throw a tantrum.
However, avoid being the parent who is always refusing all requests
because this will frustrate the child.”
Dr Stanley Mukolwe, a parenting coach and author
of Raising Future Parents, adds that while a child may know what he
wants, he may not know the danger associated with getting it. In such a
case, denying a child what he wants would be the loving thing to do.
Also, a child may fail to perceive being disciplined as love. In that case Dr Mukolwe has some words of advice:
“You should talk to the child before and after
discipline to make the child understand why he is being disciplined. One
should also teach the rules ahead of time and for everything the child
perceives as negative, do six positive things with the child,” advises
Mukolwe.
This is important because if a child does not feel
loved, they can fall into depression, become violent or have frequent
anger outbursts.
Email: sound.living@thecitizen.co.tz
